Flowers Help Personalize a Funeral
Flowers Help Personalize a Funeral
August 1, 2017
Sending flowers is a tangible way of expressing sympathy to the family of a deceased loved one. Flowers can help celebrate the life of the deceased, provide comfort, and lift the spirits. They are a touching tribute, showing the bereaved in full color how much their loved one meant to others. Whether sent to the funeral home for the service or directly to the bereaved, flowers are a reminder that you are thinking of them in their time of sorrow.
Make it Personal
Flower arrangements can help to create a tribute to the personality of the deceased and honor the things that the deceased loved to do in life. Choosing a unique bouquet with a special meaning to you or the deceased is a loving and creative way to honor the life of a loved one.
For example, if the deceased loved purple, send a bouquet of purple flowers. If the deceased loved to garden, consider sending a plant that can be added to their garden as a living memorial. Or if the deceased loved a certain type of flower, such as roses, use roses predominately in the funeral arrangements.
Flower arrangements can be made in various shapes as well. For the funeral of fitness expert Jack LaLanne, flowers were arranged in the shape of a barbell to honor his legacy of encouraging physical fitness, healthy eating and pumping iron.
You can also provide memorabilia or personal items to be incorporated into the arrangement. For a sports fan, a hat with the team logo could be the center of an arrangement. A hand-written letter, photograph or painting could be framed by a wreath of flowers.
How and when to send flowers
Flowers have been used since ancient times to comfort those who are grieving and act as a reminder of the beauty and fragility of life. In the ancient world, flowers and herbs were used to anoint the bodies of the deceased and decorate the burial site. Today, flowers are used to enhance the casket; beautify the funeral service and burial site; and eloquently express sympathy.
Different types of funeral arrangements should be sent based on the relationship to the deceased. For immediate family members, a casket spray or wreath is typical. Other florals from immediate family can include table arrangements, swags inside the casket lid, and heart or cross shaped arrangements. A standing spray or informal arrangement can be sent from a member of the extended family.
For close friends or colleagues, a spray, wreath, basket arrangement, bouquet in a vase, or a live plant is appreciated. Friends of the family may send flowers either directly to the funeral home or to the home of the family member. Business associates can have flowers delivered to the work place of the family member.
However, there are times when flowers are not appropriate for funeral services. Some religious traditions, such as Judaism, do not traditionally use flowers at funeral services or at the homes of the bereaved. Sending a fruit basket or other food items are more appropriate for Jewish mourners. Sending floral arrangements isn’t traditionally part of a Hindu funeral, but flower garlands are more commonly used. Traditions vary for Islamic families. If in doubt, consult a family member or clergy of the faith of the deceased.
It is important to recognize the wishes of the family. Some funeral announcements will ask for a donation to be made to a favorite charity “in lieu of flowers.” Some may choose to send flowers in addition to making a donation. If in doubt, respecting the wishes of the family is always appropriate.
Consult the funeral home and local florist
It’s always a good idea to call the funeral home ahead of time before placing your order with a florist.
“Funeral directors have so much experience in making all the arrangements for a funeral, including the flowers. Talking with the funeral director can help you decide the best type of arrangement to order, let you know what’s already been ordered, and tell you about family preferences as well,” said Co-president John Keohane.
Visiting or calling a local florist will assure that you’re sending the right type and arrangement of flowers. Florists are professionals who are knowledgeable in the various types of floral arrangements for funerals. Provide the florist with important information, including the name of the deceased and the date, time, and location of the funeral service. Include a heart-felt message of sympathy for the card that will be sent with the arrangement.
For convenience, you may also choose to purchase flowers online and have the arrangements sent either to the funeral home or to a private home. Most floral websites have a link to order sympathy and funeral arrangements online including forms to add in all the appropriate information about the deceased and the funeral service.
For any questions regarding funeral flower arrangements, please contact us at any of our locations or call our main office at 1-800-Keohane (800-536-4263).
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Brigette Gibson, Funeral Director You’re a Quincy native from a large family. You were familiar with Keohane from growing up, right? Yes, through growing up in Quincy, but actually, John Keohane raised his family right across the street from my grandmother. And John’s wife, who I call Miss Wilk, was my kindergarten teacher at Sacred Heart! How did you end up working at Keohane and becoming the Office Manager for the Weymouth locations? COVID, I think for everyone, was a time of change and reflection. My son was five months old when COVID started. It was such a blur back then, but I knew I didn't want to go back to what I was doing. I thought I’d work part-time and be home more with him. So I went on Indeed and saw that there was a job for a part-time bookkeeper here. I thought, “that's great, part-time! I can do that. I can still be home with him. I don't have to send him to daycare full-time. I started as the bookkeeper and I did that for about a year. During that time, I did the books but I also wanted to learn everything. I started listening to people answer the phones. Some of the staff took me under their wings and when they heard me speak with people, they said “you have a knack for this. You make people feel comfortable and you’re trustworthy. You follow through with whatever you say.” John Keohane noticed something in me and one day he came to my office and said “Brigette, I want you to be the Office Manager.” I told him I wasn’t sure. Even though I was never actually part-time, I was working 40-45 hours a week from the start because I loved it and wanted to learn everything. I liked what I was doing. But it’s very hard to say no to John, and so I became the Office Manager (laughs). What did you do before joining Keohane? I went to nursing school. When you’re 17 years old and someone says “what do you want to be when you grow up?” I thought I wanted to be a nurse. I learned very quickly that I didn’t want to be a nurse! I was still trying to find myself and was waitressing and working as a nanny, but it didn’t spark my joy. Something was missing. When I started working at Keohane, I realized that I love the family care that comes with this job. You’re now a full-time Funeral Director! Yes! I passed all my exams last September and was sworn in. What’s the transition been like? Are there days when you wake up and think “I can’t believe this is what I’m doing now?” I’ve enjoyed every aspect, from being the bookkeeper and managing the office to now being a funeral director. I’ve appreciated every single moment. And now that I’m here, I still want to learn, I still want to know what’s next for this career? How else can I grow? There are eight funeral directors at Keohane and each of them has taught me something over the past two years, and they still do. I still rely on them every single day and I’m still learning. It sounds like you’ve received a kind of parallel education at Keohane, in addition to what you learned in college to get the degree. Yes. And the other funeral directors will come to me when they have a billing question or death certificate question, things that I’ve done behind the scenes over the past few years, because as the Office Manager I handled all of the scheduling and death certificate information and calling the doctors and the churches and organizing. What are some of the basic responsibilities of a funeral director? It starts with the first phone call, and it could be a call before someone has passed, or it’s the first call after someone has passed. We’re there to help guide them. We’re not there to tell them what to do; we’re there to help them make decisions. We have to ask the hard questions. Death is still taboo to some people. They’ve never talked about death with their loved ones [JK1] [DG2] . It’s counseling people, discovering how they want to celebrate their loved one’s life. We explain to them that if they want to hold visiting hours, this is what’s going to happen. This is what you’ve got to do. And then we sit down together with the family and plan the services. There can be a lot of juggling. Some family members might have different opinions on services. Our job is to guide and educate them on what’s best. And then, getting all of the Mass information and planning the Mass and scheduling visiting hours and services and cemetery info. If you don’ thave a cemetery propery, do you opt for cremation? Cremation opens a lot of options as well, which a lot of families are now choosing, and we as funeral directors can help them plan what to do. You become a kind of therapist in a way, providing a voice of calm when there’s so much difficulty swirling around them. This is already a hard day. You don’t need to make it harder by focusing too much on the smaller details. We’ll help you with all of this. There’s also the aftercare when services have ended. Families go home and they have to sit with some of those feelings. Often they’ll start to get anxious about closing a bank account and what do do with the cars. We’re there to answer any questions a family may ask, and if we don’t know the answer, we’ll try to get them the answer. We’re here to help you. And sometimes when I’m out and about, someone will come up to me and say “oh, you ran my grandmother’s service,” or “you were the funeral director at my uncle’s wake” and they offer such kind feedback. I love that about this job. What does an apprenticeship as a funderal director entail? What are some of the responsibilities that you took on during that period? My apprenticeship was a lot different than most people’s. I never came to Keohane thinking I’d be a funeral director. John (Keohane) said “I see something special in you and let’s work this through,” because I was still the Office Manager! I was educated, I had the skills, but I still wanted to learn everything hands-on that I was learning in school. So I’d go on transfers, I would be in the care center helping as a second pair of hands, observing as much as I could. I’d help set up visiting hours, help on funerals whereever I was needed. We all need to learn. It’s not my family; it’s our family we’re serving. How difficult was it to manage your studies while doing your day job and maintaining your family life? I went to school full time and I still raised a family and I just got it done. I took summer courses. I took winter courses. I had a goal that I was going to get this done in less than two years. And I did. It was a blur. I couldn't tell you about the past few years. But I'm really proud of being able to do that as a mom and working full-time. Just being a mom and going back to school in my late 30s… you guys can do this! Just just put your head down and power through it. The industry is changing quite a lot. Americans are becoming less religiously affiliated. Cremation is becoming a much more popular option than it used to be. How do you adapt to meet the changing needs for funeral care? Ooh, good question! As funeral directors, now we can become creative. We can make services that much more personable and build them around what the family wants. I’ve been lucky enough to have a few families that didn’t want to go to church but still wanted a service.It might take a little longer to pull some of the information out of them, but once we do, we’re able to dig into our creative sides. I felt that I was able to do that with some of these families that wanted to choose their own service, and I got to know the decedent that much better. I got to know who I was serving. I had a service for a Deadhead (Grateful Dead fan) a few months ago. The decedent’s brother told me that he liked the Dead, followed the band around for a long time. So everyone [JK3] wore tie dye to the funeral, they shared stories about traveling around the U.S., and we played Grateful Dead music. The man’s nephew got up and sang a Grateful Dead song with his guitar. When they were leaving, the man’s brother said “this is exactly what he would have wanted. This is exactly how his friends saw him. This was the closure that we needed. What are your favorite parts of the job? Oh God, there’s so many! I like the initial arrangement with the family. I feel like the families come in so nervous. They don’t know what to expect. We just start to talk. I don’t jump into the arrangements right away. I’ll listen to someone share their stories and their memories for as long as it takes. I truly enjoy that aspect, getting to know them. I’ll ask them about their family member who’s passed, and they often will start sharing stories and memories right away [JK4] . And towards the end of the service, when the family will stop and take a moment to say “thank you, thank you for doing this.” I always tell them that they were doing the hard work. This is what I love to do, and it’s a gift. Keohane does a lot of outreach in the community. What are a few of your favorite local community organizations? It’s been awesome to see Dennis (Keohane), especially, have such a passion for the playground or the skate park. I’m most passionate about Quincy, since I’m born and raised here. I love seeing the Keohanes involved with the Quincy 400 and Interfaith Social Services and the annual coat drive. We’re a staple of the community. You can contact Brigette Gibson via email: brigette@keohane.com or call 781.335.0045. Meet the full Keohane team here .
Cremation has become an increasingly popular choice for end-of-life arrangements. Per the National Funeral Directors Association, 62% of people opt for cremation, nearly double the volume of people choosing a traditional burial. Despite the rising volume of cremations in the U.S., misconceptions about the process persist. This blog post aims to dispel the most common myths, provide you with factual information, and help you in making informed decisions regarding cremation. Of course, you are always welcome to speak with a Keohane team member to answer specific questions or learn more in-depth what our process entails. Myth 1: Cremation Is Environmentally Harmful Fact: Traditional cremation involves high energy consumption and emissions. However, advancements have led to more eco-friendly alternatives. For instance, water cremation, also known as alkaline hydrolysis, is considered gentler and more sustainable than conventional methods. Additionally, you can choose a biodegradable urn or scatter ashes in meaningful locations to further reduce environmental impact. (We can help you arrange a scattering of ashes on land or sea; learn more here .) Myth 2: Cremation Limits Memorialization Options Fact: Cremation offers a variety of personalized memorialization choices. Beyond traditional urns, ashes can be incorporated into special jewelry , artwork, or even planted with a tree to create a living memorial. These options provide families like yours with meaningful ways to honor your loved ones. Myth 3: Religious Beliefs Prohibit Cremation Fact: While some religions have specific guidelines regarding body disposition, many have become more accepting of cremation. It's essential that you consult with your spiritual advisor to understand your faith's current stance, making sure that your choices align with your beliefs. Myth 4: Cremation is Less Respectful Than Burial Fact: Respect and dignity are paramount in both cremation and burial processes. Keohane Funeral and Cremation adheres to strict protocols to ensure that the deceased is handled with the utmost care, regardless of the chosen method. We hold sacred the tremendous responsibility you’ve given us in your time of need. Making an Informed Decision When considering cremation, take the following factors into account: Personal Values: Consider your environmental concerns, spiritual beliefs, and personal preferences. Family Wishes: Engage in open discussions with family members to ensure that the chosen method honors collective sentiments. This is another reason why advanced planning is such a worthwhile investment of your time. Financial Considerations: Cremation can be more cost-effective than traditional burials, though your costs will vary based on the services you choose. Legal Requirements: Familiarize yourself with local regulations and ensure all necessary documentation is in order. At Keohane, we understand deeply that choosing between cremation and burial is an intensely personal decision. Our compassionate team is here to provide you with comprehensive information, answer all of your questions, and support you in making the best choices for you and your family’s values and wishes. Contact us today to learn more about our cremation services and how we may assist you in arriving at your best choices.
Community Spotlight:
Father Ed Thornley joined St. John the Evangelist in July 2024, Previously, he served as Day School Chaplain and Associate Rector at St. Patrick’s Episcopal Church and Day School in Washington, D.C. A native of the U.K. from Canterbury, he studied theology at the University of Exeter, Westcott House in Cambridge (England) and Yale Divinity School. He served in the Church of England for eight years, before beginning his ministry in the Episcopal Church in Fort Worth, TX when he served as Middle and Upper School Chaplain at All Saints’ Episcopal School. Father Ed and his wife, Dr. Devon Abts—a Massachusetts native and theologian specializing in religion and the arts—reside in the rectory with their cats, Spyro and Duke, and enjoy a wide range of activities together outside of their pastoral duties, including hiking, cooking, enjoying music and the arts, and traveling. You’re the 9 th Rector of the Episcopal Parish of St. John’s the Evangelist in Hingham. What do your responsibilities as rector include? I'm the priest in charge of the parish, and Rector is a traditional title for that. I oversee the parish. I have responsibility for worship, for pastoral care, for preaching and teaching and and also helping the church to be a presence in the wider community. We're obviously a Christian community and an Episcopal Church specifically, but we also play a role in the wider community as well, connecting with different organizations and institutions, civic responsibilities, and so on. So in a way, my main role is to help lead the parish in being that Christian presence in the community. We have, on a typical Sunday, between 130 and 200 people, although we have around 4,000 members in our parish directory, and growing. It’s a big church. Coming from the U.K. and the Church of England, how do the Church of England and the Episcopalian Church interact? It’s a close relationship. There's what's called the Worldwide Anglican Communion, and it's a network of churches internationally that all historically trace their history back to the Church of England and to the Archbishop of Canterbury. So the Episcopal Church is one of those churches that was born out of that history and tradition. I was ordained in the Church of England. My wife, Devon, is American, and we met over here, and so when we were thinking about moving back to the U.S. after being in the U.K. together for some years, I could transfer quite comfortably to the Episcopal Church here. Please share a bit about your background. What should readers of this newsletter know about you? My wife, Devon, is an academic theologian, and we met at Yale Divinity School. I was on an exchange program over here; I was at Westcott House in Cambridge and I came to Yale for one semester. Devon was starting an academic course at the same time when I came over to do some of my ordination training, and we met in classes one day, and that's how we got together. Devon and I have family on both sides of the pond. We like traveling a lot. We have family and friends all over so we enjoy traveling. We're very big on hiking and cycling and getting outside. We also love cooking. We're vegetarians, but we're not too fussy anyway (laughs). We've got two cats, and we like spending time with our friends and family and getting involved in the community, just getting out and getting to know people. We just love learning and being among people. You’ve been Rector for just a few months, having been brought on this past summer. How’s the experience been so far? What’s been a bigger challenge than expected? What’s been a pleasant surprise? Although we arrived here in July, my official institution is on November 19, when the Bishop of of the Episcopal Diocese of Massachusetts will come and officially install me. It's been a really joyful move overall. I've been in specifically education chaplaincy for some years, having served parishes before, and so my role at St. John’s is a happy return to pairsh life. Though this is actually the first time I've been a Rector of a parish. I've been an associate and I've done basically the same kind of job before, but this is the first time I've been in charge. There are lots of new things to get used to; as well as being a priest who has responsibility for worship, pastoral care and preaching and being out in the community, I also have to oversee all the technical things, like, the finances and buildings and grounds committees and all the different organizational administrative elements. I've done those things before, and I enjoy them, but there are a lot of things like that to get used to very quickly. It’s been both a joy and a challenge in that respect. But the community has been so welcoming; they’ve made it easy, frankly. It's a very vibrant community, very active, people who really care about each other and about Hingham as well as about the church. We've loved it. It's been great! Were you amazed at how many Dunkin’ Donuts there are in the area? (Laughs) I love it! It’s one of the things that brought us back to New England. You’re working on a Ph.D. in Divinity. Please shed some light: how does this work inform your philosophy as a member of the clergy? What does Divinity mean to you? Gosh, that's a really great question! So divinity is the same as theology. Those two terms are kind of interchangeable, really. Divinity or theology essentially means talking about God, studying God and faith and religious belief, generally speaking. And for me, that's within the Christian faith, obviously, but, my Ph.D. is, in a nutshell, about how Christianity relates to other religons as well. It originally began as a project about school chaplaincy, but I’m also looking at how school chaplaincy works in the wider life of the Church, and how the wider church and very specific roles, like chaplains, can inform one another. Because normally, when we think of chaplaincy, we think about working at a specific institution, like a school or university or hospital or the armed forces, and so on. And it's often seen as being quite an isolated form of ministry. Whereas I've always been interested in thinking about how, even if you're a chaplain, say, working in a school with a very specific community, how what you do in that community can be informed by the wider church and vice versa. For example, one of the things that a chaplain in an education institution spends a lot of time doing is working with people of all different faiths. All faiths and none, as it were. I'd actually spend most of my time leading worship and providing pastoral care for people who are not Christians. The wider Church community both cares about this and needs to understand how that works further given the diverse nature of our society. Even though I’ve been in Episcopal and Church of England Schools, and so working in a church-based institution, they’re also profoundly multi-faith communities, and so interfaith dialogue is a real passion of mine. I love working with different faiths and again, connecting to that wider community piece. I'm a member of several different organizations that do a lot of interfaith work and also with humanism and other forms of belief and spirituality that are not necessarily tied to a specific faith community as well. And I love all of that and I engaged in a lot of this work when I worked in education chaplaincy. I was also a university chaplain for a while and did a similar thing. And so my Ph.D. is looking at questions like, what does it mean to be a Christian in a profoundly multi-faith, pluralistic world? How Christians be responsible with their faith, and how can they have a healthy, responsible faith, where you know what you believe but can learn alongside other faiths. Remembering the importance of dialoguing with people who believe different things to you informs my ministry in parishes as well. This goes back to that civic responsibility piece and the wider community. And this includes doing funerals…I did a funeral recently for a family who didn't have any particularly strong ties to the church, but the person who died, in their wishes they left behind, said that having a funeral in a church and then a traditional burial was really important to them, and so it was a lovely opportunity to connect with the family who otherwise might not have set foot in the church. And so my Ph.D studies are about looking at different approaches to Christian theology, engaging with religious pluralism and then applying some of that theological thinking to ministry. For example, how can a chaplain in a school or university or a priest in a parish take those theological ideas about the relationship between Christianity and interfaith dialogue, and then apply them in ministry? For example, caring for someone who has different beliefs, preaching and teaching in a way which is compassionate, which is not forceful or coercive, trying to think about ways of being a healthy, responsible Christian in a multi-faith world. That's my general area. The moment that we are in in America right now, where there's so much divide and polarization, these interfaith dialogs are essential in bridging some of those gaps through interfaith dialog, including the humanistic aspect, seems so critical. Yeah, exactly. And that's also something that I've always believed to be really important. I've never been the sort of Christian who, to put it bluntly, goes going around telling people what they should or shouldn't do. I believe that God is love and that’s why I'm a Christian. I believe that God in Christ shows us a new way to live. And that's all about love and compassion and listening and also growing and learning from people who don't necessarily share the exact same beliefs as you. Without turning this into a sermon...but if God became a human being and spent time on Earth among people, then that kind of incarnational ministry, that’s what Christians like me are called to do. If we're serious about our faith, we don't just go out thinking we've got all the answers and tell people what to do. We're out there to meet God through other people, through our relationships and our communities and our encounters with other people who are very different to us. That's part of what it means to be human. Father Ed, you first came to the United States in Fort Worth, and then went to D.C. Was it a big adjustment culturally to find yourself suddenly having gone from Cambridge, England to Fort Worth, Texas? Without boring you with my whole life story, it was a big jump. I was at Cambridge for my ordination training, and then briefly Yale, and that's how I met Devon. And then when Devon finished up at Yale, and I was getting ordained, we got married in Boston, and then Devon got her visa and we were in the U.K. for 8 years. We were in Norwich first. I was in a six-parish team there, and then we moved to central London, and I was working in schools and universities as well as parishes. Devon was doing her Ph.D. at the time in London. Then we moved to Fort Worth, and then D.C., and then here. We both wanted to be back in the States, to be nearer Devon's family as well. And I wanted to be back in the Episcopal Church again--the Church of England's great, but I wanted to serve the Episcopal Church again. So, to start, I got the opportunity to work at an Episcopal School as a chaplain in Fort Worth. It was an opportunity that opened up. But even though I'd been traveling to the U.S. for nearly 10 years, and particularly the Northeast, we knew Fort Worth was going to be a bit of a jump but it seemed like fun, you know. We met some wonderful people there and we ,oved it, but, yeah, it was a culture shock given everywhere else we’d lived prior. You’re married to a theologian; your dinner table conversations must be fascinating! We’re really nerdy. I mean, like, seriously, embarrassingly (laughs). Even though we've both been working in education for a long time, and as you may have seen in my on the bio on the website, Devon still works in academic theology, does conferences and works at different universities, but she's also working for a nonprofit now as Research and Operations Director for the Clemente Course in the Humanities. Devon really wanted to branch out as well and be involved in nonprofit work, wider education work, working with underserved communities. I wanted to be back in the parish again and be out in the wider community. And both of us as a couple wanted to find a nice new home church and a parish that we can both be involved with. And so this whole thing has been really important to us as a couple, as well as a church family. So everything from our dinnertime conversations through to how we generally kind of roll, really, as a couple…we're very, very nerdy, and faith and theology is at the center, but we just love this kind of thing. The last question is, who do you root for in the Premier League? That's a great question! So, back home, between my mother's family and my father's family, there was always a big rift with this; basically, half of the folks love Tottenham Hotspur, and the other half love Chelsea. I didn't follow football that closely, but when we used to live in Norwich, I used to go see Norwich City play quite a bit because we lived quite close to the stadium, and that was really good fun. So I kind of got into it more through that, but I always tried to avoid the Tottenham and Chelsea thing because I just didn't want a family feud! Norwich City, I generally follow them. I'm always quite curious to see what they're up to! Learn more about Father Ed and The Episcopal Parish of St. John the Evangelist: https://bit.ly/4fVD9QL.
