Lessons in Grief from the Animal Kingdom

Lessons in Grief from the Animal Kingdom

January 1, 2018

Many animals are social creatures and like humans they create close bonds with others. We can’t know for sure what an animal thinks and feels, but many animals appear to experience grief when they lose a loved one. Some animals mourn their loss; pay their respects to the dead; hold a wake; and even cover the dead in a type of burial.

Photo credit: Lindsay Helms/123RF.com

Many scientists claim that humans are anthropormizing animals when we assert that they mourn the dead. But Barbara King, Chancellor Professor of Anthropology at William & Mary and author of How Animals Grieve , offers both anecdotal and scientific data on animal attachments that lead to grief when a family member, group member, or companion dies.

In an article for Animal Sentience , King defines grief in this way :

“When an animal dies, that individual’s mate, relatives, or friends may express grief. Changes in the survivor’s patterns of social behavior, eating, sleeping, and/or of expression of affect are the key criteria for defining grief. Based on this understanding of grief, it is not only big-brained mammals like elephants, apes, and cetaceans who can be said to mourn, but also a wide variety of other animals, including domestic companions like cats, dogs, and rabbits; horses and farm animals; and some birds.”

How Animals Express Grief

Animal grief comes in many forms, just like in humans. Elephants often stop to examine the body of a fallen elephant, caressing the body or the bones with their delicate trunks. Dogs, ducks and cats can become listless and depressed, refusing to eat or crying out, when a beloved companion dies. Crows and magpies have been known to gather around a fallen member of the flock.

The attachments between a mother and her offspring are one of the strongest bonds in nature. Many animal species have shown grief when a newborn or baby dies, including apes, dolphins and elephants. According to a special edition of Time magazine on The Animal Mind , chimp mothers have been known to “refuse to surrender a baby that has died, holding the body for days or weeks after it has gone cold and begun to decompose.” Dolphin mothers have been observed pushing their dead babies ahead of them for days after the babies have died, even refusing to stop to feed.

Of all the animal species, it is the intelligent elephant that displays the most complex expression of grief and loss. In one well-recorded incident in 2003, the matriarch of an elephant herd in Kenya named Eleanor became sick shortly after giving birth and collapsed. Distraught by her leader’s condition, another female named Grace pushed Eleanor to her feet, but the matriach soon fell again. Grace remained with Eleanor for another hour after the family had moved on, but she eventually left the body. Another elephant family arrived after Eleanor passed, and a female elephant named Maui gently examined the body. She rocked back and forth over Eleanor for several minutes. In a heartbreaking display, Eleanor’s orphan visited the body of its mother several times. Eventually the baby died, too, without her mother’s sustaining milk.

Here are some other ways animals express their grief:

  • Dogs become extremely attached to their human families. One famous Akita in Japan went to the train station every day for a decade to meet his deceased owner, only to return home alone.
  • Baboons and bonobos often carry dead babies for days after they’ve died. Adults will fight to protect the body of a dead family member and stress hormones rise after a close companion dies.
  • Cats and even pet rabbits have been known to continually search the house for places where a beloved companion once inhabited. Cats can emit a keeing cry when a companion dies.
  • Horses have been observed standing vigil for days over the grave of another horse from the same barn.

Do Animals Have Funerals?

Some animal species display behaviors that can be likened to holding a wake to view the dead, bringing tributes to the dead, and even attempting to cover them like a burial.

According to Time magazine, a dead crow lying on the ground can attract several other crows which dive and swoop while vocalizing a call, like a type of keening over the dead, to beckon to the rest of the flock. Up to a hundred crows will surround the body, sometimes in complete silence. Some members of the murder – the name for a group of crows – bring tribute to the dead, lying sticks or grass next to the body or even on top of the remains. Once the wake is complete, the flock flies off.

Magpies have also been known to hold funerals and exhibit grief. Dr. Bekoff of the University of Colorado has studied these rituals. In one incident, four magpies surrounded the corpse of another magpie. Two magpies approached the body and gently pecked at it, similar to the way an elephant caresses the body of another elephant with its trunk. Two of the magpies flew away and brought back some grass to lay next to the corpse. All four birds stood vigil by the body for a few seconds and then flew off one by one.

“We can’t know what they were actually thinking or feeling, but reading their action there’s no reason not to believe these birds were saying a magpie farewell to their friend,” Dr. Bekoff wrote in the journal Emotion, Space and Society.

Elephants have been known to stand vigil over a fallen elephant and even to cover the body with twigs and leaves. Elephant researcher Martin Meredith observed this ritual when the matriarch of an elephant family died. The entire family, including the orphaned calf, gently touched her body with their trunks, even trying to lift her. The herd was rumbling and the calf was crying and screaming when they suddenly fell silent. The matriarch’s family threw leaves and dirt over her body and broke off tree limbs to cover her. For two days, they stood quietly over her body, only leaving to get food or water.

Love is the Source of the Pain

While animals may not feel as deeply or for as prolonged a period as their human counterparts, one thing is clear. Our bonds with one another are the basis for our feelings of loss when someone dies. It is the love that we feel for another creature that creates the grief we experience upon death. Nature shows us that loss and grief are a natural response to death and that paying tribute to the deceased is a necessary part of the grieving process.

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By John Keohane February 27, 2025
Brigette Gibson, Funeral Director You’re a Quincy native from a large family. You were familiar with Keohane from growing up, right? Yes, through growing up in Quincy, but actually, John Keohane raised his family right across the street from my grandmother. And John’s wife, who I call Miss Wilk, was my kindergarten teacher at Sacred Heart! How did you end up working at Keohane and becoming the Office Manager for the Weymouth locations? COVID, I think for everyone, was a time of change and reflection. My son was five months old when COVID started. It was such a blur back then, but I knew I didn't want to go back to what I was doing. I thought I’d work part-time and be home more with him. So I went on Indeed and saw that there was a job for a part-time bookkeeper here. I thought, “that's great, part-time! I can do that. I can still be home with him. I don't have to send him to daycare full-time. I started as the bookkeeper and I did that for about a year. During that time, I did the books but I also wanted to learn everything. I started listening to people answer the phones. Some of the staff took me under their wings and when they heard me speak with people, they said “you have a knack for this. You make people feel comfortable and you’re trustworthy. You follow through with whatever you say.” John Keohane noticed something in me and one day he came to my office and said “Brigette, I want you to be the Office Manager.” I told him I wasn’t sure. Even though I was never actually part-time, I was working 40-45 hours a week from the start because I loved it and wanted to learn everything. I liked what I was doing. But it’s very hard to say no to John, and so I became the Office Manager (laughs). What did you do before joining Keohane? I went to nursing school. When you’re 17 years old and someone says “what do you want to be when you grow up?” I thought I wanted to be a nurse. I learned very quickly that I didn’t want to be a nurse! I was still trying to find myself and was waitressing and working as a nanny, but it didn’t spark my joy. Something was missing. When I started working at Keohane, I realized that I love the family care that comes with this job. You’re now a full-time Funeral Director! Yes! I passed all my exams last September and was sworn in. What’s the transition been like? Are there days when you wake up and think “I can’t believe this is what I’m doing now?” I’ve enjoyed every aspect, from being the bookkeeper and managing the office to now being a funeral director. I’ve appreciated every single moment. And now that I’m here, I still want to learn, I still want to know what’s next for this career? How else can I grow? There are eight funeral directors at Keohane and each of them has taught me something over the past two years, and they still do. I still rely on them every single day and I’m still learning. It sounds like you’ve received a kind of parallel education at Keohane, in addition to what you learned in college to get the degree. Yes. And the other funeral directors will come to me when they have a billing question or death certificate question, things that I’ve done behind the scenes over the past few years, because as the Office Manager I handled all of the scheduling and death certificate information and calling the doctors and the churches and organizing. What are some of the basic responsibilities of a funeral director? It starts with the first phone call, and it could be a call before someone has passed, or it’s the first call after someone has passed. We’re there to help guide them. We’re not there to tell them what to do; we’re there to help them make decisions. We have to ask the hard questions. Death is still taboo to some people. They’ve never talked about death with their loved ones . It’s counseling people, discovering how they want to celebrate their loved one’s life. We explain to them that if they want to hold visiting hours, this is what’s going to happen. This is what you’ve got to do. And then we sit down together with the family and plan the services. There can be a lot of juggling. Some family members might have different opinions on services. Our job is to guide and educate them on what’s best. And then, getting all of the Mass information and planning the Mass and scheduling visiting hours and services and cemetery info. If you don’ thave a cemetery propery, do you opt for cremation? Cremation opens a lot of options as well, which a lot of families are now choosing, and we as funeral directors can help them plan what to do. You become a kind of therapist in a way, providing a voice of calm when there’s so much difficulty swirling around them. This is already a hard day. You don’t need to make it harder by focusing too much on the smaller details. We’ll help you with all of this. There’s also the aftercare when services have ended. Families go home and they have to sit with some of those feelings. Often they’ll start to get anxious about closing a bank account and what do do with the cars. We’re there to answer any questions a family may ask, and if we don’t know the answer, we’ll try to get them the answer. We’re here to help you. And sometimes when I’m out and about, someone will come up to me and say “oh, you ran my grandmother’s service,” or “you were the funeral director at my uncle’s wake” and they offer such kind feedback. I love that about this job. What does an apprenticeship as a funderal director entail? What are some of the responsibilities that you took on during that period? My apprenticeship was a lot different than most people’s. I never came to Keohane thinking I’d be a funeral director. John (Keohane) said “I see something special in you and let’s work this through,” because I was still the Office Manager! I was educated, I had the skills, but I still wanted to learn everything hands-on that I was learning in school. So I’d go on transfers, I would be in the care center helping as a second pair of hands, observing as much as I could. I’d help set up visiting hours, help on funerals whereever I was needed. We all need to learn. It’s not my family; it’s our family we’re serving. How difficult was it to manage your studies while doing your day job and maintaining your family life? I went to school full time and I still raised a family and I just got it done. I took summer courses. I took winter courses. I had a goal that I was going to get this done in less than two years. And I did. It was a blur. I couldn't tell you about the past few years. But I'm really proud of being able to do that as a mom and working full-time. Just being a mom and going back to school in my late 30s… you guys can do this! Just just put your head down and power through it. The industry is changing quite a lot. Americans are becoming less religiously affiliated. Cremation is becoming a much more popular option than it used to be. How do you adapt to meet the changing needs for funeral care? Ooh, good question! As funeral directors, now we can become creative. We can make services that much more personable and build them around what the family wants. I’ve been lucky enough to have a few families that didn’t want to go to church but still wanted a service.It might take a little longer to pull some of the information out of them, but once we do, we’re able to dig into our creative sides. I felt that I was able to do that with some of these families that wanted to choose their own service, and I got to know the decedent that much better. I got to know who I was serving. I had a service for a Deadhead (Grateful Dead fan) a few months ago. The decedent’s brother told me that he liked the Dead, followed the band around for a long time. So everyone wore tie dye to the funeral, they shared stories about traveling around the U.S., and we played Grateful Dead music. The man’s nephew got up and sang a Grateful Dead song with his guitar. When they were leaving, the man’s brother said “this is exactly what he would have wanted. This is exactly how his friends saw him. This was the closure that we needed. What are your favorite parts of the job? Oh God, there’s so many! I like the initial arrangement with the family. I feel like the families come in so nervous. They don’t know what to expect. We just start to talk. I don’t jump into the arrangements right away. I’ll listen to someone share their stories and their memories for as long as it takes. I truly enjoy that aspect, getting to know them. I’ll ask them about their family member who’s passed, and they often will start sharing stories and memories right away . And towards the end of the service, when the family will stop and take a moment to say “thank you, thank you for doing this.” I always tell them that they were doing the hard work. This is what I love to do, and it’s a gift. Keohane does a lot of outreach in the community. What are a few of your favorite local community organizations? It’s been awesome to see Dennis (Keohane), especially, have such a passion for the playground or the skate park. I’m most passionate about Quincy, since I’m born and raised here. I love seeing the Keohanes involved with the Quincy 400 and Interfaith Social Services and the annual coat drive. We’re a staple of the community. You can contact Brigette Gibson via email: brigette@keohane.com or call 781.335.0045. Meet the full Keohane team here .
By John Keohane February 27, 2025
Cremation has become an increasingly popular choice for end-of-life arrangements. Per the National Funeral Directors Association, 62% of people opt for cremation, nearly double the volume of people choosing a traditional burial. Despite the rising volume of cremations in the U.S., misconceptions about the process persist. This blog post aims to dispel the most common myths, provide you with factual information, and help you in making informed decisions regarding cremation. Of course, you are always welcome to speak with a Keohane team member to answer specific questions or learn more in-depth what our process entails. Myth 1: Cremation Is Environmentally Harmful Fact: Traditional cremation involves high energy consumption and emissions. However, advancements have led to more eco-friendly alternatives. For instance, water cremation, also known as alkaline hydrolysis, is considered gentler and more sustainable than conventional methods. Additionally, you can choose a biodegradable urn or scatter ashes in meaningful locations to further reduce environmental impact. (We can help you arrange a scattering of ashes on land or sea; learn more here .) Myth 2: Cremation Limits Memorialization Options Fact: Cremation offers a variety of personalized memorialization choices. Beyond traditional urns, ashes can be incorporated into special jewelry , artwork, or even planted with a tree to create a living memorial. These options provide families like yours with meaningful ways to honor your loved ones. Myth 3: Religious Beliefs Prohibit Cremation Fact: While some religions have specific guidelines regarding body disposition, many have become more accepting of cremation. It's essential that you consult with your spiritual advisor to understand your faith's current stance, making sure that your choices align with your beliefs. Myth 4: Cremation is Less Respectful Than Burial Fact: Respect and dignity are paramount in both cremation and burial processes. Keohane Funeral and Cremation adheres to strict protocols to ensure that the deceased is handled with the utmost care, regardless of the chosen method. We hold sacred the tremendous responsibility you’ve given us in your time of need. Making an Informed Decision When considering cremation, take the following factors into account: Personal Values: Consider your environmental concerns, spiritual beliefs, and personal preferences. Family Wishes: Engage in open discussions with family members to ensure that the chosen method honors collective sentiments. This is another reason why advanced planning is such a worthwhile investment of your time. Financial Considerations: Cremation can be more cost-effective than traditional burials, though your costs will vary based on the services you choose. Legal Requirements: Familiarize yourself with local regulations and ensure all necessary documentation is in order. At Keohane, we understand deeply that choosing between cremation and burial is an intensely personal decision. Our compassionate team is here to provide you with comprehensive information, answer all of your questions, and support you in making the best choices for you and your family’s values and wishes. Contact us today to learn more about our cremation services and how we may assist you in arriving at your best choices.